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Inthe World Health Organization conducted a study in 18 countries, and the results showed that in all those countries surveyed men had more sexual partners than women. This behaviour appears to be true of every culture.

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Although masculinity indicates the tuyn that men hold, Wokan is very fragile. Kaufman Masculinity is not only based on physical traits, tjyen also on personality characteristics, such as being brave, honest, and gentle Womaj women Javier Men at that time tended to experience sex early but they did not accept the same of women. In a recent study fir in Northern Tanzania, Africa, Setel It does seem to apply moral value to measure the sdx of the woman. Interestingly, in the same way, men in Tanzania express their masculinity with other peers through having sexual conquests.

In Gujarat, India, the virginity of an unmarried woman is not only her concern, tuyej the concern of her family as well. The study in Mumbai, India showed that men do value virginity of the seex wife Verma Wooman al, Also, in the Vor of Asia, women found various ways to maintain virginity. For fuyen, female youth in Indian-derived swx in Mauritius sometimes allowed their lovers to insert their penises partly into the vaginal canal, but not deep enough to break the hymen Schensul et al. In Southeast Asia, Reid notes that female virginity was jn as a major factor in marriage in several areas Reid, This finding is also confirmed in the study of Simon otal Paxton This Woman for oral sex in tuyen quang also pointed out that although premarital sex seex becoming accepted as a reality among young adults, choosing non-intercourse to avoid pregnancy and loss of female virginity is widely accepted among young people.

Going back to the Womann of my thesis, the limitation of the studies to which I referred is that virginity has not been addressed in quwng studies as a factor gor enhances masculinity. Most of the documents looked at virginity as a default notion and reflected the attitudes about virginity amongst different groups of young people. Some other researches regarded the variety of ways to protect virginity among women. In order to support my argument, I will present the results gained from in-depth interviews and focus group discussions with students in Hanoi to examine the role that female virginity plays both in protecting masculinity and in making masculinity more fragile.

Methods Participants Sixteen male and four female students, aged from 19 to 23, from six universities in Hanoi, Vietnam were recruited for in-depth interviews. Four focus group discussions with six to nine male students per group were conducted at four university dormitories in Hanoi. All the selected participants for the in-depth interviews must meet the criteria as single, preferred junior university students, and aged In order to have a more diverse group of informants, I recruited students from four different groups: In-depth interviews The in-depth interviews took place in locations chosen by the participants.

The interviewer would also suggest a location to meet for the occasion. Each interview lasted approximately one and a half hours. For one participant, I had a follow-up interview to finish the interview. During the in-depth interview, participants, who lived in dormitories, were requested to arrange a focus group with their room members in dormitories or members of other room that they can introduce. Typical questions asked of participants included: Focus group discussions Focus group discussions were carried out in the dormitory. Dormitories in Vietnam house around ten participants per room using bunk beds. For that reason, the focus group took place in the rooms where students were housed.

Each focus group lasted one hour. Three interview participants also participated in the focus groups while the rest of the focus group participants had not been interviewed. Interviews were guided by some questions from the focus group. Typical questions included: Consent Before starting the interviews and focus group discussions, informants were told the purpose of the study. Consent forms were given to, and signed by all interviewees. During the focus group discussions, all participants verbally agreed not to share the information produced during the discussion. The researcher gave each participant a paper card to put a number on, and group participants used the given number instead of their real names during the discussion time.

Compensation All informants participated in in-depth interviews received 50, Vietnam dong equal to 3 U. For the focus group discussions, fruits, candies, and soft drinks were provided by the researcher as gifts for their participation. Analysis All in-depth interviews and focus group discussions were audio recorded and transcribed by two professional transcriptionists. All names and contact information were removed for the transcriptions. The researcher read all transcripts and developed a thematic framework for coding and analysis.

Coding was undertaken based on the context of the transcribed text. Using grounded theory Strauss and Corbin, when discussing a particular finding, the researcher aims to convey the degree of consensus, portray the predominant opinion where there is oneand indicate the distribution of views on the topic. Verbatim quotes are used to illustrate particular points. Pseudonyms replace actual names to protect confidentiality. I found that my position, as a heterosexual man, gave me an advantage in building rapport with male informants.

Being a married person, I was seen as an adult with experience in love and sexuality which made informants in general and males in particular feel more comfortable when addressing the topic of sexuality.

Additionally, being a researcher who is studying sexuality allowed me to express my serious expectation from them to share information with me. Findings focused on four main topic sections, including: First of all, there existed different perceptions about female virginity and the cultural meanings of virginity. Obviously, the definition of female virginity overlaps between having an intact hymen and the moral attributes of a woman. Men only value the virginity of the women who they consider as potential wives. For other relations friendships or prostitutionvirginity is not a concern. Both male and female informants suggested that being a virgin is a must, which was well defined in the four virtues, of a traditional Vietnamese woman.

Nevertheless, some of them expressed that virginity is less valued by young people today. This resulted from many reasons. One of the most common reasons is that premarital sex becomes a more accepted notion causing the decline of virginity value to some degree. The one who values virginity is judged as a selfish and narrow-minded person by this group of informants. Another point shown in this section is that virginity has been applied as a meaning only to women, not to men. The last point in this section is that most informants suggested not having sexual relations before marriage to keep the hymen untouched. Secondly, the positive outcomes of having sex with a virgin are male spiritual connection.

All of male informants said they would be happy to marry a virgin wife. Some of men were unable to explain the reasons. Others expressed that sex with a virgin would satisfy their desires for conquest, which bring them pride and self-confidence. Noticeably, for some business men, having sex with a virgin is believed to bring luck for their business development, according to on of my male informants. Thirdly, men in both interviews and focus groups have two distinct attitudes and expectations towards female virginity. This attitude has a negative impact on their relationships with non- virgin woman, which results in the decision to not marry such women. However, there are different degrees of their acceptance.

If the woman lost her hymen because of an accident, being raped, and men all said they can understand and tolerate this. However, these men tend not to accept women who engaged in serious sexual relations with more than one partner. Women who have lost their hymens may face a hard time. They are looked down on by peers, family, and community. This puts women at a disadvantage, preventing them from expanding relationships with outsiders, and limiting their opportunities for marriage. Asking their partners directly if they are virgins is considered rude and insensitive.

Some believe that having sex before marriage is the way to define virginity. However, for some others, premarital sex is not their own desire, so they cannot determine the virginity stage. Following is a thorough discussion of each of these topics. Cultural values of virginity Female virginity is defined differently among different informants. In the literal sense, virginity is understood as the state of the hymen being untouched, and sexual abstinence. In the figurative sense, it refers to a numbers of moral attributes of the woman, such as: Here is how my informants defined virginity as the combination of two aspects: The word virginity is combined by two single words: Trinh- the hymen is belonging to the physical body, and Tiet- is her dignity.

Male, 21, FGD1 I look at virginity from two angles: Biologically, virginity is the hymen that is not broken. From the social angle, it manifests the innocence of a woman, the strict self-control in relation with peers, and the self-value of that woman. Male, 19, from Thanhhoa, FGD2 Some other informants defined virginity as the unbroken status of the hymen. For example: To be honest, in my understanding, virginity is the hymen which is the very thin film in vagina that can easily be broken, that's all! Female, 22, OU, Interview There is one male student who defined virginity as the stage of never having sex as the following.

The perception of virginity is different among persons; to me it is never having sex. Male 22, from Nghean, FGD1 To explain the moral values of virginity, some informants used examples taken from cultural norms or a historical story. I think virginity is very important as it is the chastity of a woman which is formed in the four virtues of a Vietnamese woman. Male, 21, from Hatinh, FGD1 The following narrative was mentioned by a male student in focus group number one that the moral value of virginity was not only applied for young women before marriage, but also for widows and women who did not marry. In the old days, women who passed the marriageable age, or widows but stayed lonely to raise their children, they were conferred a kind of honor title.

Male, 22, from Haiphong, FGD1 Using the image of Kieu, the main character of the most famous poem titled Truyen Kieu, written by Nguyen Du in 18th century, to emphasis the psychological perception of virginity rather than the hymen, Duong, a female, 22, from Hanoi, said: A woman has two kind of virgin, one is physical and one is spiritual. Why Kim Trong still accepted Thuy Kieu, who was put in many different brothels? Questioning you that, if he appreciated her hymen, she the character would die for thousand times.

Of course Thuy Kieu didn't reunion with Kim Trong, but he opened his arms, the family still accepted her and their love. This is the virgin of the soul! Female, 22, Open University, Interview Virginity is understood as the ability of self-control of a woman, which is believed to be an attribute of a good woman. Interestingly, he mentioned that smoking and drinking among women, which is masculine, is not acceptable. Virginity means two things. First it is the woman, who knows how to protect her hymen. A bad woman, who indulges in pleasure like smokes and drinks, but maintains her hymen, her virginity is devalued.

Being a virgin is important for both men and women because of a variety of social and cultural meanings that virginity carries. Admittedly, love is to give, but it is in control. If a woman can not control herself from the lure, she will lose her woman-life. For instance, in your married life, if you live far from your wife, like in the army for years, if the wife can not control herself, cannot keep her faith with her husband, sleeping with others can be foreseen definitely. Once the wife loses it faithfulnessthe same mistake can happen again. That makes the husband upset. Male, from Haiphong, FGD3 Thuy is a female student, 20 years old, from a small town in the north-east province. Born in a family whose parents are teachers, she was taught to appreciate the cultural value of virginity.

For her, being a virgin is the most important thing for a young woman, regardless of time or age. She said: Admittedly, men today may have a generous view, but they still value the virginity of their lover. In the eyes of a man, being a virgin means serious love, and respect that the woman presents him. It also reflects the dignity and the personality of the woman. Female, 20, interview In the old days, people valued virginity more Since the mids, the government of Vietnam carried out the renovation policy, which brought significant changes in many spheres of society: Many social norms have been challenged with new concepts from outside. In terms of sexuality, a number of recent studies show that premarital sex, which was unacceptable in the past, has become more accepted by young people today.

In this study, many informants told me that the way they look at virginity is less important than it used to be. Here is what a young male student said: Male, 21, from Hanam, UFL Interview A few informants believe that valuing the virginity of their prospective wife is not proper at present. He said: Loosing virginity meant that she was a bad woman. Times have changed, we also change in perception. I would call someone who values virginity now a selfish guy. Male, 23, University of Geology, Interview However, some others disagreed with the above statement. For them, even though there have been changes in attitudes toward virginity among young people, it does not mean virginity loses its value.

This is what a male student in the focus group 2 said: According to the old conception, virginity was something the most precious of a woman, it meant everything. Nowadays, it's not everything but other aspects still cannot make a shadow on it. For someone who has a backward thinking like me under the influence of my family, my living circumstances, traditional thinking, if virginity hasn't kept totally 10 parts of its value, it is still an 8 in my views. Male, 2 year student, FGD2 During my interviews, I attempted to find the connection and similarity among the men who highly valued virginity and those men who valued it less, by looking at their family style, the sub-culture of the settings where they were raised, lived, and the sexual experiences that they have had.

However, I did not find commonalities. This reflected the ties of cultural values among informants from different cultural background and settings. I am going to give two specific examples to illustrate this point. Kim and Doan were both male informants of my interviews. Kim was born and raised in the Thai ethnic minority family in the Central Vietnam, which is a very poor and remote area. If the woman is not a virgin, there will be very limited chances for her to be in love with a young boy. Even though Kim has never been in love with a woman, he strongly believed that his future wife must be a virgin.

It would be unacceptable for him to have a non-virgin wife. Being a virgin wife also makes me love and respects her, which would encourage me to build my own family happiness. The relationship between family members in his family is very open and friendly. After high school, Doan was sent to New Zealand to study English for a year, where he learned a lot from Western culture. Doan used to love and practice sex with a few young women. They were all virgins before getting to know each other. Doan highly values the virginity of his prospective wife even he acknowledges that the double standard is unfair for women. Sometimes I cannot understand why I want a virgin wife; it means I don't want my wife sleeping with any guys before me.

I think I am selfish, I mean even though I would have sex with someone else, I still require my wife a virgin. I think the Asian characteristic is still flowing in my blood. Male, 23, from Hanoi, interview Virginity is an unfair, selfish, and unacceptable value Despite the fact that many informants expressed the importance of female virginity, there existed controversial, debatable arguments about whether men should value virginity in modern society. Both the interviews and the focus group discussions conducted with men showed that there were different levels of concern among men about virginity.

Interviews with female students also showed that two out of four supported the arguments, while the rest disagreed. They men are definitely selfish. When a man is in love with a woman, who lost her virginity, he should understand for what reason the woman lost it; does it mean she is a bad woman? I think the reason that they value virginity is resulted from patriarchal time, from the Vietnamese customs. Most of the answers I got from FGDs, and in-depth interviews pointed that men only care about the virginity of the women who they seriously thought about marrying. Only when a man considers love with a woman seriously and intends to marry her, he will care about her virginity.

Female, 22, from Hanoi, interview I know that prostitutes are not virgins, having sex with them is just to meet my sexual desire; I know there is no love there, so why should I care about her virginity? Male, 23, from Hanoi, interview Is oral sex a good way for a woman to retain virginity? Oral sex fellatio and cunnilingus was not an unfamiliar term for the male students that I interviewed. During my visits to a number of university dormitories, it was very common for students to have a personal computer in their room, especially the ones who major in technology. Besides using the computer for the purpose of study, it was pointed out that informants used their computers to watch pornographic films.

Most male students said they used to watch pornographic films in their dormitory, and that they understood how oral sex worked. All informants from Hanoi were familiar with the term oral sex, which was learned from pornographic films. Most informants living in dormitories were from rural areas and other towns outside Hanoi. This group strongly opposed oral sex. Many of them said it was dirty and disgusting to practice fellatio. This is what a male informant in focus group 1 said: I extremely oppose this action! First, think about the mouth, um, um, to me it is a beautiful thing.

Admittedly, there are many bacteria in the palate, but it is used to produce nice words, so why can it be used to do such a dirty thing. Second, it is quite different from our habits and customs, our morals. To me it is incestuous, and never can I accept it. If doing it oral sex just to satisfy the sexual demand is not advisable, you can satisfy it in different ways with other women. God gives human being different organs for their own purposes, please use them with their given purposes. One male student from Hanoi told me that having fellatio was the most wonderful sexual activity.

I think playing fellatio is the most wonderful sexual activity because the mouth brings the most satisfaction. I know that kissing on lips, ears, or shoulders are also wonderful, but kissing on the most important part — my penis - must be the most wonderful. Male, 23, from Hanoi, UOT, interview One male student regretted that he was not able to have fellatio with a prostitute when he had sex with her. I realized that I will get bored if there is only one position of having sex. I want to do different things, such as sitting, or standing positions. Male, 22, from Hanoi, UOT, interview There is one male informant from Hanoi who uses cunnilingus as an alternative sexual practice with his female partner to maintain her virginity.

He explained that his girlfriend agreed to let him have sexual intercourse with her, but he did not want to do that.

They do not make love, but they do oral sex or all kind of such things from up and down the bottom, then you tell me whether they are still virgin or not? Female, 22, from Hanoi, interview Should men be virgins? Many men said that men do not need to be virgins for a number reason. First, there is no discourse saying that men need to be virgins. Second, there is no sign to tell if a man is a virgin. There were two students who agreed with the statement that men should be virgins, and that there existed double standards between men and women regarding virginity.

However, they agreed with others that virginity is something that is deeply rooted in Vietnamese culture, and it is hard to change the public opinion. Here is what my informants said: The un-equality is rooted from our long history. In the past and present, I only heard that a woman should be a virgin. I never heard anyone talking about male Woman for oral sex in tuyen quang. What I know is just that men should be well educated and successful in their career. Male, 22, from Hanoi, interview In our culture, many older people think that men can have multiple wives that are why men do not need to be virgins. Male virginity does not indicate his moral value or stature. No one judges a man if he sleeps around with many women; if there is a case, the judgment is very little.

If that happens to a woman, she will be condemned as a bad woman. Male, 22, FTU, FGD3 Though male virginity does not exist in the culture, some informants were dissatisfied with the double standard regarding virginity because it creates inequality between men and women. Here is what a man in FGD3 said: I am discontent with the idea that men should not be virgin. For example, before marriage, the husband has sex with many women, but he hides those relations with his wife. But when he finds out that his wife is not a virgin, he tortured her. In my opinion, that is the injustice between men and women. I think men do not need to maintain virginity. A man can have sex any time he wants providing that he does not do bad things.

He does not lose anything when having sex. Losing a little semen is nothing. Meanwhile, losing virginity, a woman may face serious consequences. Male, 23, from Nghean, Thai minority, interview Both Kim and Doan, the ones I mentioned earlier, who highly Woman for oral sex in tuyen quang virginity, also confirmed that male virginity is not necessary. Here is what they said: If you are not the one who sleeps with her, there will be another guy who does, and then he will laugh at you as a duped guy. I may question if something were wrong with him. Male, 23, from Hanoi, interview The findings brought up in this section reflect the various points of views that informants shared about the biological and cultural meanings of female virginity.

In the next section, findings focus on the positive outcomes of marrying a virgin bride. Virginity and positive outcomes In most of my interviews and focus groups with men, after building rapport, I asked the informant to describe his ideal wife to see if virginity was one of the attributes of his dream wife. Surprisingly, virginity was not really touched on during the discussion or during interviews. Most male informants expected to marry a traditional woman. They admired faithfulness, gentleness, and respect as characteristics of their dream wives. The topic of virginity was brought up only when I provoked them by asking the following question: Men responded to the question with different attitudes: However, none expressed that they hate or dislike virginity.

In contrast, all men agreed that having a virgin wife made them feel happy. Another male informant said in the FGD2 that: The idea that virginity is not important is the trend of the Western world. In my opinion, in the Orient, that trend has also started. However, in the university environment like this, marrying a virgin is a matter of course. But from my observations, I have found no man who doesn't want a virgin wife. I think if you do a survey on male students in this University about their opinion of this issue, I am sure that nearly no or only few guys can accept a non-virgin wife. Male, 19, from Hanam, FGD2 Not only did men express their happiness with marrying virgins but they also expressed their joy when having sex with virgins.

So when they demand something, they want to own it forever. It must be new, and of course fresher than the one taken by others. Do you like to eat a fresh, new cake or you want the one which is already eaten by someone else? Male, 23, from Hanoi, interview When a man reveals that his woman is a virgin, it reconfirms his belief that she is a good and satisfying woman. One male student said: When I was with my girlfriend, I touched her body but never had we had sex. Once I touched down there, she removed my hand. I did not feel angry, but excited, because I believe that she is still a virgin; and she is a good woman. One informant said: That's what my mind, my soul feels.

The hurt is only physical, but I will feel secured, I will never have to mind of it, more than wonderful. Male, 23, from NgheAn, FGD1 In the case below, Manh, a 23 year-old male student, shared with me that his woman friend initiated sex first, and this made him doubt her virginity. However, when he saw blood, his opinion was totally changed. At the beginning, I had thought she is not a virgin because she initiated sex. Later, I saw blood on the bed sheet; I realized that hers is still untouched; I felt sorry as I made a wrong assumption about her. Indeed, I was very happy at the moment. I can guarantee you that all men feel the same way I did. One man said: If you have sex with a virgin woman, you will be very happy.

The issue of hurt is not a big deal because the first step is the hardest! Group burst out laughing Male, 19, from Hungyen, FGD2 Minh, a 23 year-old male from Hanoi, experienced his first sexual intercourse with his woman friend when he was in high school. He feels regretful, and he wants to buy female virginity when possible: I really want to have the feeling that de-flowering virginity brings. I think when I get rich I can buy it definitely. One time is enough just to satisfy my own desire. NMQ, 23, From Hanoi, interview Purchase of virginity through commercial sex is seriously problematic, and results from the belief that deflowering teenage women under 18 years old brings men luck in business.

Recently, a leader of the Vietnam Football Federation was caught having sex with a virgin woman who was under the age of In my interviews, I asked if any of my informants believed in this practice. One male informant shared with me: The idea that deflowering a virgin woman brings good lucks to men exists in the business world, especially having sex with the virgin under 18, which means she is not old enough for sexual activity legally. It happens before or after a huge business affair. I think the belief came from Chinese culture as they dominated our country for a long history. Male, 22, from Hanoi, interview One female informant acknowledged that there was a double standard between men and women in terms of virginity, but she felt that the contradiction was reasonable.

I asked: When you find a solution for a contradiction, another one occurs. I agree with your statement, no doubt! We are human beings; we can not get out of the cultural boundary regulated by a long history. How do men react to this situation? Informants had different reactions when asked how they would respond if their future wife were not a virgin. Responses are temporarily divided into two groups objecting and tolerating.

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Such a situation would result in the end of their relationship. Meanwhile, the group that valued virginity less expressed their tolerance of the situation and said that they would accept the woman. The following are narratives shared by male informants, and divided by point of views. Each man had his own reasons to do so. In the following case, the male informant said that virginity was his primary concern regardless of any justifications. Forgiveness will never happen in my love. Her virginity must be my first priority. She must be honest; otherwise she will take all consequences and responsibilities when I find out.

I can tell you straight away that her lost virginity would affect my family honor and my own reputation. I would never accept her Woman for oral sex in tuyen quang she had volunteered to lose it. Male 23, from Nghean, Thai ethnicity, interview Men will lose their social reputations because of rumors and ridicule from outsiders, family relatives, peers or neighbors. This ridicule will affect the relationship between the husband and his wife. This is what two informants said: There will be rumors or public opinions going on with the man whose wife is not a virgin.

He will be upset. If someone says it in front of him, he will feel insulted because of getting married with her — a virgin-less wife. Male, 19, from Hanam, interview The relation between husband and wife would sufferred from the opinions of outsiders. For example, under the influence of the outsiders, when the husband hears something bad about his wife from outsiders, if they do not have a strong relationship, it would be very easy to make the family broken. This male informant said in the interview that: Being the first man to enter her life brings me the pride because I am the first man who conquers her love, and I am the one who she loves the most, that is why she gave me her body.

That is the reason why it makes a man vulnerable as he is the late comer so he is not able to inherit her virginity, the most valuable thing of a woman. What he has now is not new, intact. You need to make different movements with your tongue and your mouth, while using your hands and fingers on other parts of her body, as well. Always be focused on and receptive to her movements, muscle contractions, and breathing. Another essential detail: Your girl absolutely has to be comfortable and relaxed when you go down on her. She has to be able to completely let go and not be embarrassed.

She has to feel comfortable with herself and with you. Do spend time there, of course, but not only there. Take time to explore her body and the places that make her feel good, like the inner and outer labia, the area between her anus and vagina, the insides of her thighs, and so on. Explore, test, and savor. Stimulate other erogenous zones before getting down to business there. Far from it! You have to slightly part them to locate it. Okay, so how do I give great oral sex? Use your hands and fingers, as well, and give her kisses and caresses.

This is essential for giving your girl amazing oral sex. Use your tongue and mouth but also give caresses and use your hands, fingers, etc. Lick her in every direction: Make good use of your fingers, hands, lips, and mouth, too. While you lick her, penetrate her with one or two fingers to make her go even wilder. Never bite her clitoris, but you can gently nip the inside of her thighs, close to her pussy, for example. Enjoy these moments of sharing and intense pleasure with your partner. Adapt your rhythm, movements, strength, gentleness, and speed to bring her to orgasm without feeling rushed.

Above all, a woman has to feel at ease and be comfortably positioned in order to get the most out of oral sex, and, most importantly, to more easily let go. The same thing goes for you, my friend.


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